I am a cop?

My fingers just want to write down everything I'm thinking but they simply do not move fast enough and I have come to the conclusion that my fingers are jealous of my mouth by the speed it can produce words without mistakes.
And, to be honest, my thoughts are really nothing and seem like thousands of grasshoppers jumping around inside my skull and I can't seem to catch even one to put into a jar.
Anyway, I figured out my skills today while I was sitting in the Doctors and therefore I should have people lining up to be my friend.
Because a) I can write 109 words per minute and you only need like 30 words to become a cop or something which makes me better then a cop because b) cops look after people and besides being a tad corrupt sometimes it means I get all the good ends of the bargins by c) meaning I can walk into shops and ask for a drink and get it for free and d) well I don't have any thing else for d but the a,b and c were damn good reasons.
Besides the fact I just completely compared my puny self to a police officer who has a gun.
Okay maybe not, but I know I have more skills then Napoleon Dynamite, excpet for when it comes to hunting for wolverines in Alaska.
This is probably why I have no friends because I talk so much shit, but in the end, everyone lies so much you can almost believe it.
Ohwell.