If people were rain, I'd be drizzle and you'd be hurricane.

Blogging seems to be such a waste of time now and so much effort to even type a single word, one time I used have 30247239048 followers and loved it because it was like my own story. Then I relised, I have nothing to tell.
I suppose I'll continue to lie to myself considering I have what seems like nothing again, here we go.
I've spent almost 6 weeks in a hospital now and breathing outside air seems to make me sick and razor blades keep slipping down my throat and fire is all over my skin.
You cannot image how safe it feels to feel safe and then to have everything, your life, be ripped out from under you because there's monster dancing in your head and terrifying every inch of your body, screaming in the back of your brain and when all you see is darkness and those eyes you used to see everything so perfect now feels drunk.
Once again, I'm back at this point of recovery, trying to peice my story back together but there's always that missing puzzle peice, the one the vaccum stole.
I finally moved on from something then to have you use me again. You took my best friend. You were to ashamed of me to call for help. You left me. I have something living in me now. Make it go away.
I'm lost.
I'm scared.
I'm cold.
Alaska, I've found you and don't want to be in that place again, stop pulling me back to the ice.